Guide to SKOPJE



(Although there are millions of them, or the whole thing can be viewed as one great absurd, but still..)


1. Every country in the Balkans believes that it should be bigger than it is, to such scale that we’d need at least one more Balkan peninsula to satisfy everybody.

2. But none of them considers that as taking something away from the others, but as “regaining their own territories” instead.

3. All countries have “historical arguments” that they should be bigger than they are: old maps, Rosetta stones, testimonies and prophecies, monastery scripts, and especially rare books that are allegedly kept safe in museum libraries somewhere in the West, “so the truth would never come out”.

4. They all also have an imaginary enemy – the Freemasons, the Illuminati, the Vatican, the Bilderberg, the English Crown or somebody else, that has worked and plotted for centuries against their territorial unification, in order to prevent them from becoming great and strong and conquer the Balkans, and maybe, the World.

5. The main reason why all these countries are stuck in sludge in every aspect measuring the quality of life or the living standard, is not sought in the ways local politicians lead them (especially not among the right-wingers), but in the “fact” that they’re not united, because they were missing the very part that was crucial for them to become powerful and prosperous. It’s always about the most fertile fields, the richest mountains, the access to sea, the strategic positions, or especially the sacred places, that should probably release some spell to make the country flourish, conquer the others etc. But that powerful spell was kept safe and by all means it was not allowed to be released.

6. The funny thing is, however, that the “precious missing parts” are not really missing, nor sunk to the bottom of the sea, or removed and taken to the West. They’re still here, ruled by another Balkan state, and no matter how fertile, rich, strategic or magical they are, they haven’t helped the country that rules them get out of the sludge either.

7. There’s a small country in the middle of Europe, it can hardly be spotted on the map, stuck between rocks and mountains, covered in snow and ice, barely a field here and there, surrounded by much bigger states, at least 200 kilometers away from the nearest sea. According to all Balkan “standards”, this state should be almost rotten, but it’s not. It’s called Switzerland.

8. There’s another country in Europe that covers almost an entire peninsula, and dominates over the rest of it, rules lands that are its own and territories seeking secession, has an abundance of fertile fields, rich mountains, accesses two seas and an ocean, strategically it cannot be positioned any better, and has no shortage of magical and divine power. But it’s so heavily stuck in the European economic sludge, that it can barely come out. It’s called Spain.

Goce Trpkovski